crackling firewood sounds

of sweet, golden honey glow felt like home,

and you were there with me.

​

the smoke-drawn winds changed

and so did i--

fumbling through severed pieces of myself,

trying to grab hold of them each

but unable to keep them together;

parts left behind and deformed

to be replaced by new counterfeits--

i must remain whole

i would tell myself,

not sincere--

​

the smoke-drawn winds changed

and so did you--

your gentle, flame-kissed words of affection

turned to ice in a moment.

i looked into your eyes, but i couldn't see you.

from your chill, you released

some bleak, blizzardous haze-

and now i can't find my way home.

​

in the end i'm glad i lost you

because losing you meant returning to me,

the gentle ember, which in truth

i always have been--

but i miss you like i miss those

honey glow, soft woodfire nights:

with an ache in my chest.

ashamed to think that i should know better

than to love the warmth

that has made me burn

so dark.